Boundaries for a Better Work Life

Growing up, my grandmother would tell me, “Baby, people will treat you the way you allow them to.” I didn’t fully understand what she was teaching me until my first corporate job, where I often worked holidays while others took time off. That’s when I realized her words were a valuable life lesson on the importance of setting boundaries—to avoid being exploited, I needed to learn to say “no.”

Now I know that the need for boundaries extends to every area of our lives, including the workplace. Many of us take on more projects and more responsibilities while working with less support and fewer resources. As a result, people are diving into their personal energy reserves and becoming quickly depleted—so much so that 81% of American professionals feel more burned out now than at the start of the pandemic, according to one Korn Ferry survey.

We need boundaries to protect ourselves and others.

Most people understand that boundaries are helpful—and needed—but they may struggle with when and how to establish them.

Previously, I partnered with a colleague who, from my observation, seemed overextended. I asked them about their bandwidth to effectively support the project and offered them the option to decline if needed; however, they insisted that they could handle it. Unfortunately, my observation was accurate, leading to more work for me and tension on both sides. The resulting stress put our working relationship in a vulnerable position and put our project at risk.

This is a fitting example of when boundaries would have served me well and improved my work life. From this experience, I learned the importance of clearly communicating expectations and setting boundaries around roles and responsibilities. After the project ended, my colleague and I discussed what we learned and how to stay better aligned through transparent and upfront communication about needs and expectations. We identified some themes we had in common: competing priorities, unexpected demands that increased our workload, and a sincere desire to do our best work. Simply put, we both were extremely overwhelmed and stretched too thin!

How do you know it’s time to set boundaries?

Boundaries benefit you and others. They are a way to honor your values, create awareness, set expectations, and provide clarity about the implications of crossing them. Boundaries help maintain healthy relationships and teams. If you experience internal turmoil or external conflict, it may be an indicator that boundaries are needed. Some telltale signs include:

• You have a hard time saying “no.”
• You put others’ needs before your own.
• You’re feeling overwhelmed, stressed, or burnt out.
• You waver when making decisions.
• You feel resentful or taken advantage of.

For most leaders, this isn’t groundbreaking news. However, the impact of disruption in any area can have hidden costs. A Korn Ferry survey found that over a third of employees were worried about their heavy workloads and doubted whether their employers were supporting a reasonable work-life balance.

Follow the 4 Cs of defining boundaries.

As an executive coach working with leaders at all levels, I often hear this theme: many leaders believe they simply need to have better time management. However, time is a constant that cannot be managed. We can only become more effective at managing ourselves and our situations.

Doing so takes courage, communication, clarity, and consistency—what I call “the 4 Cs of Defining Boundaries.” Here are four best practices to help you establish and maintain boundaries that work:

• Courage: Advocating for yourself is a skill that takes courage, but you can do it! Consider the desired outcome for yourself, the others involved, and the situation, as well as the implications of not leveraging the power of your voice to communicate your boundaries. It’s important to be aware of your internal resources and honor your needs and values.
• Communication: Communicating boundaries often involves crucial conversations that may have been delayed. This can be difficult due to the people involved, power dynamics, or the situation. It’s best to address these conversations one-on-one, in a scheduled, unrushed setting. Also, consider the timing of the conversation relative to the situation. If you try to establish boundaries after the fact, it is much more challenging to influence others and can negatively affect your brand.
• Clarity: Choosing your words carefully is imperative. The language you use can create psychological safety or stifle the dialogue. Share specifically what you’ve observed or experienced and the impact it’s made on you—and if applicable, the team and the business. Sharing with someone that you don’t feel heard lands differently than telling them “You’re not listening to me”—especially if it’s your boss! Using the word “I” instead of "you” can keep your conversation from going awry. 
• Consistency: Engage in high-impact conversations and, upon conclusion, clearly define who is responsible for what and by when. This approach helps make your boundaries sustainable and ensures they are respected. Inconsistency between what you say and what you do can send the message that your boundaries are not important to you. Just like my grandmother said, people treat you the way you allow them to!

There is this quote attributed to English poet Gerard Manley Hopkins that speaks to my soul: “Your personal boundaries protect the inner core of your identity and your right to choices.”

When you protect the core of your identity, you can show up authentically as your best self, which allows you to make your greatest impact—in your role, on your team, and in your organization. In future columns, we will explore more on how to establish and strengthen your boundaries so you can be more effective at work. But for now, I leave you with this question: Which of the four Cs would help you honor your values and maintain healthy boundaries today?

To start creating boundaries for better work-life balance, speak with a coach at Korn Ferry Advance.